Monthly Archive for June, 2008

Lanzhou, Hong Kong’s Opposite Number



Can’t do anything fancy with photos as am in a cyber cafe where the enter button is stuck and the space bar absent, but oh! Lanzhou! One of my favourite cities in China. And that says a lot. You can’t walk down the pavement for the millions of people engaged in some kind of outdoor  card or board game or some other kind of relaxed activity.  

They sit, they talk, they drink beer while selling watermelons: So civilised!! And it doesn’t rain.  not one single drop. I’m not saying that it never rains, hallo! But it doesn’t rain ON MY HOLIDAY. That’s all I ask. And tonight: Off to Jiayuguan, the end of The Great Wall. Outside  is the wilderness, full of barbarians. Fitting eh?

I can’t write before I’ve sorted out the photo situation. Lateeeeer! I’t so dry here, you only have to shower once a day. Ah ha ha ha ha

                                               

                                                                          

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

It’s Into The Hinterland We Go

Ah, the restaurant car of a Chinese train hurtling through the night! That’s the place to be. I have just arrived in Lanzhou in Gansu province from Guangzhou, a journey of one day and two nights. 

Therefore I thought I’d spend a little extra to travel in a soft sleeper - only four people in the cabin instead of the usual 600 or so. That was stupid. Not only was the only toilet broken so I had to share the one there was with 600 people anyway, but there was no electricity with which to recharge my many gadgets. Oh well, I could do 36 hours without gadgets.

But in my little room were two women who were devout buddhists, possibly Falun Gong because one of them had some festering sores on her leg which the other one kept dressing and smearing ointment on. So far, so dissident. 

They had a big plastic bucket which contained kilos and kilos of bananas and lychee, as well as various ointments, salves and cremes. That was their luggage. But what they also had was a little sound box where this buddhist chant thing with a trilling soprano, violins and possibly flutes kept going round and round on a 30 second loop. 

The two devout ones went to bed early, but do you think they turned off the sound box? No, on and on it churned, just loud enough to be extremely irritating, like a mosquito in a quiet bedroom. I was waiting for the batteries to run out - couldn’t tear an old, frail woman out of bed even if it was only a bunk on a train, especially with those sores on her legs. (People! Don’t only eat fruit! It leads to frailty and extremely limited taste in music.)

Only beer made me able to sleep that night. The next morning the thing was still going on and on. I couldn’t read or think. When they tried to offer me some lychee I used the opportunity to ask if they couldn’t keep the fruit in return for turning off the hellish thing? Of course, you should have said so sooner, they said. And that’s absolutely correct. Trying to be tolerant and full of acceptance leads only to one thing: Gnashing of teeth! So from now on no more mister Nice guy and festering sore sensibilities here! 

 

All was forgotten when my breakfast appeared, however. Oh Chinese restaurant cars! Oh life! This particular  restaurant also sported the only good-looking poster for the old Beijing olympics I’ve seen so far:

                                                                      

Not the guy, all right? Not the guy. The poster.

Inspired by this I headed back to the cabin where the two women had been replaced by three guys, and I immediately set out to thrash them at cards, increasing my well-being even more. 

Right! It’s time to check out the wonders of Lanzhou. And this evening my trusty travel companion Richard is arriving by flying machine, and then: Off to the hinterland. Meanwhile I’m BLOGGING from a HOTEL ROOM!!!! Isn’t technology fantastic?

Hey Ho Hey Ho, It’s Off To Camels We Go

Oh hoi hoi hoi, I’m so excited I want to puke! I’m off to Xinjiang in a couple of hours and I’m going by train the whole way. Can you think of anything more fun, adventurous and romantic? Camels at dawn, bannermen gallopping into the wilderness, and the fabled sanddunes of Dunhuang! The Silk Road, now a six lane highway!

I’ve got me a Photoshop on my new Mac, so I’ll be uploading photos and blogging like crazy - up there no train journey is shorter than 15 hours, so I’ll have time.

Most of all, Xinjiang is dry, bone dry, powder dry. No rain! Not a drop of bloody rain! And you only have to shower and change once a day. A time-saving and comfortable province.

Meanwhile here’s the direct link to my new book Don’t Joke On The Stairs.

I’m off to collect more material. Bye byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye - and watch this space!

Big Day In The Country Club

Hear ye, hear ye. After several grave setbacks my second book Don’t Joke On The Stairs is finally out there - On You Publish! Yes in this as in all other things it’s better to take matters in one’s own hands and just “publish the fcuker already,” I find.
One chapter, Hitchhiking in China, is posted twice. Will sort it out. You can also read about
Sex In China
Party In China
China And The World (Norway) No, really! The two countries are virtually identical!
Mao
Hell Is Other People (Whatever you do, never go on a guided tour in China)
China’s Relentless destruction

etc.

Well bugger me if it isn’t raining again. We can’t have too much water, I find. Webbed feet, goggles, yes I’m all set to go to work.
So people, electronic books are the future, or whatever. Please buy vigorously!

You Want Links? I’ll Give You Links (Testing, testing…)

I have been roundly criticised from many quarters for putting up, shock horror, ghastly links in my blog so you can see the actual link!!!!! Being accused of being “so 90’s” was the last straw. Everybody knows the 80’s was my heyday.
Well you ingrates, here goes: testing testing
But I’m warning you: If I can pull this thing off, there will be linking day and night from here to Timbuktu.

Epilogue: That actually worked. A big thanks to Nude King for making this possible.

Sun, Summer and Septic

Yes! Another day of sun, glorious sun. I like the sun and don’t hide from it. Surely a dose of vitamin D every day can’t be bad? I don’t have to lie around and bake in it do I? Not that I’d want to - after the last weeks torrential etc. the beaches have shown their true faces; the way they would look if an army of cleaners hadn’t descended on them every single day picking up all the rubbish. And that face is pretty ghastly. In fact, you wouldn’t be able to see the sand.

Now Pui O Beach is pristine again and looks great from a distance. The water is still a foul, quagmire-ish septic tank though… but nobody is forcing people into it I suppose.

Our Charming Bearded Friends

Here’s a little snippet about what parts of Britain, indiscriminate welcomer of people who wish her ill, look like today. 

http://sheikyermami.com/2008/06/22/uk-shocked-radicalization-of-muslims-more-widespread-than-previously-feared/

Yes yes, most muslims are so moderate; this is only a rabid minority. Most of them are quiet, law abiding, wouldn’t dream of killing their daughter even if she wore a miniskirt… blah blah, and one politically correct, culturally respectful excuse after another.

But the majority of the people who killed Jews in Nazi Germany and Poland were also “moderate” and quiet, law-abiding people - not even Nazis, in many cases. They went along with it anyway, out of fear. And the Nazis themselves, with their scrubbed faces and uniforms - didn’t they also start out as some thugs on a street corner with banners, drums and posters, and an inflated idea of their own importance?

People laughed at them too, but uneasily, and most of them soon wished they never had.
And when you add muslims’ much, much stronger adherence to their faith, rammed down their throats since infancy, than the Germans’ to Hitler - well I don’t think we should expect much from the “moderate” section of Europe’s muslims when push comes to shove. They’ll probably be joining in rather enthusiastically when the chips are down and the infidels are to be wiped off the face of the earth and all that.

For that’s what’s primarilyso irritating about the muslims: They have a duty to kill me. And when they do, will they go to prison? No, it’s straight off to heavenly gardens with virgins and extra strong cups of tea for them. I take offense when the law for them is not in the courts and a country’s constitution, but in a book where it says that I should be killed in a ghastly manner because I’m not superstitious.

Read something - anything really, in the quran, and you’ll see that they have one mission and it is to make the whole world muslim. Wherever they are, islam must grow, and grow by the sword. If you had the choice between becoming a muslim or losing your head, what would you do?

Wherever they are, there is “ethnic strife.” And Europe is opening all her doors to them and allowing them to commit innumerable crimes on European soil unscathed because of people’s and the governments’  fear of appearing racist. Oh, and the little detail that a judge handing one of these “honour-killers” for example, the life sentences they deserve, could well find himself a head shorter.

Islam is a real threat to Europe. It is not, as they keep banging on about, a religion of peace. How many terrorist actions, religious wars and atrocities in the name of A bloody Llah do we have to see before we finally realise that these fcukers are not peaceful at all, but out to obliterate our western culture?

Bugger Me If The Government Hasn’t Done It Again!

This is what it looked like down at Ye Olde Pui O Beachie last night. It was one of those nights (a year) that makes you think: Perhaps three weeks of torrential downpour resulting in loss of life, property and having to spend two days painting the whole house to get rid of mould, was worth it after all.
Hang on - what am I talking about! It is of course the government’s relentless efforts to combat air pollution that’s finally kicking in! Thank you, the Royal People’s Democratic Communist Government of Hong Kong. I do so enjoy seeing those islands in the South China Sea of an evening. Last time was … January?


This morning I found Ham Tin bathed in a charming morning sun - a truly stunning vista at which I never tire to gaze.

Considering all the hard work of the government it would be churlish to point out that the water looks like this,

but hey. Just because we live near the water doesn’t mean we need to have anything to do with it. The air is now sorted, and one out of two isn’t bad.
Thank you, The Donald.
I knew you’d deliver the goods in the end; or what was it that you said during your election ? ( where you were the only candidate and quite rightly so! Nobody else was up to it and hasn’t been since) “I’ll get the job done.” Yes, that was it. Well you have. Hong Kong’s skies are blue again and dog walking a joy once more.

Still, I think it’s probably smart to get the unusual sight, blue skies, down on film. Just in case the government hasn’t combatted Hong Kong’s air pollution after all.

I’m Going To Xinjiang

Oh my blog, my dudeli-dude baby blawg! It’s so great to have it here where it belongs. So I thought I’d immediately bugger off to give it a test run in China, the over-eager censors of which country were the ones forcing me to start my own domain in the first place. And I decided to go somewhere where there are blue skies all the time, namely Xinjiang in China’s north west, where all neighbouring countries end in -stan.

Yes! It’s all working, photos and everything. That’s me off then. Friday the 27th, complete with hat and sunscreen. Maybe throw in some hitchhiking. Maybe hitchhike across the Taklamakan Desert? That would be an adventure.

This Darling Blog Of Mine

Damn! What happened here? I wrote a 600 word entry!
Completely disappeared…