Monthly Archive for April, 2009

They Don’t Give A Flying Flock

Published
by
cecilie
on April 30, 2009
in Eyesore, Hong Kong and Injustice
. 83 Comments

Sleepy backwater Pui O, Lantau Island. From looking at this picture, who would think the place is an alleged hotbed of illegal activities? No, I’m not talking about it apparently having the highest concentration of triads in Hong Kong. They are small fry - a brick through the windshield if you park in the wrong place, your building work stalled if you don’t pay an extra $100 per sack of cement delivered, lunches with government officials to make them create useless infrastructure projects - that kind of thing.

What I’m talking about the alleged practice of Cathay pilots buying up the place. I have mentioned in earlier entries how the whole village is now buried under building debris because these gentlemen of the skies insist on gutting the places they move into and leaving all the rubbish there - on their own doorsteps funnily enough. But I suppose it’s a small price to pay seeing they can buy the houses for a millionth of the price they would be back in Oz or Blighty, and then let YOU, unsuspecting Cathay customer, allegedly pay off the mortgage with plenty of cash to spare for them!

This is how it allegedly works: The wife of a Cathay pilot runs a property agency in Mui Wo. She has unlimited access to her husband’s colleagues, and (I’ve overheard her say) wants to get “more people” in to live in Pui O. By more people she means white pilots from Discovery Bay and their families. Over the last three or four years they have not so quietly bought every available property in Pui O for an alleged song, allegedly paying with their housing allowance which is set for Mid Levels prices, no matter how much they’re actually paying.

Let’s say a flat in Pui O is $6000 a month and the pilot monthly housing allowance is $ 60 000: Nice little earner for pilot! With that kind of free money they can pay off the mortgage in no time, selling the flats on to their flying buddies while still collecting a housing allowance. Allegedly. Result: Pui O covered in building rubble, local house and flat prices going through the roof, squeezing out locals and other people who have to rely on their own earnings to live, Cathay flights 20% more expensive than other airlines.

Oh, you don’t think this should be classified as illegal activities? No, I suppose stealing from your employer is legal in Hong Kong. All I’m saying is, in a lesser place it could be construed as illegal.

Fung Shui Takes New, Surprising Turn (Warning: Contains comments which may be construed as not culturally sensitive)

Published
by
cecilie
on April 27, 2009
in Charity and communism
. 5 Comments

Now … now I’ve seen it all. No, actually, of course I haven’t. There’s still lots and lots more to see, I sincerely hope. But, you know. Now I’ve seen a lot more! is what I wanted to say.
As usual it is South East Asia’s biggest outdoor sitting bronze English language paper, South China Morning Post, which provides the news. And the news is this: Wooden clogs are bad luck for really huge buildings whose office units cost HK$ 1 million per month to rent.

At least that’s what the management of Cheung Kong Center (which should be spelled Jeung Gong) told the Dutch consulate, which rents office space from said management presumably for said price per month. The wooden clogs in question were meant for a show in the building, to raise money for poor children on the mainland, but the management said no because uttering the word shoe (”hai”) could bring bad luck.

Words fail me a little bit. Here they are raking in 12 million a year from this one company only, and they think saying shoe is going to take all that away from them? Or something? Or what? What is the real reason? Surely it can’t be that these grown men in suits with cupboards full of shoes, can be that superstitious?

There must be another reason. Please say there is. My guess is it’s the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen “incident.” That’s the reason for most insane behaviour this year. Visas to China are getting really difficult to get hold of again, I hear. Oh and the headlines in above mentioned SCMP are also starting to show signs of bad fung shui. On the back of the page where I found the clog debacle, a headline said: Make Sure Of A Better Tomorrow.

Super Bonus: China Drool AND Dating Tips For Plonkers IN ONE GO!!!!!

Published
by
cecilie
on April 26, 2009
in Beauty, Cantonese and Dudes
. 5 Comments

This guy, whom I met in Shenzhen last year, invited me for lunch today. That was after having invited me for a drink a couple of weeks ago. Him being so beautiful I just want to puke and puke when we’re in the same room - on the same planet really - I didn’t want to get my hopes up so high as to think it was actually a date, but all the same I was rather surprised that he had also invited his wife and five month old son to lunch together with me.

Oh yeah, and his mother too, but she had already gone somewhere else, it appeared.

Well, at least all I think is: Blogworthy! instead of reaching for the nearest blunt household instrument and starting to hack off my limbs one by one.
And I got to hold the baby too, hooray! and so had real physical contact with a young man. By this rate I’ll have eye contact with somebody in 2012.

Fashion Schmashion

Published
by
cecilie
on April 25, 2009
in Beauty and Eyesore
. 1 Comment

I like to dress as well as I can under the circumstances, but have never been interested in fashion. This year’s women’s fashion is particularly awful with ribbons, bows, three quarter length sleeves on coats that shouldn’t even be made, let alone have sleeves, and too, too many awful patterns. this is what I say every year.

But this year I think I’ve found the fashion statement to end all fashion statements:

I mean: What? I know a guy who used to be a designer for Puma. Excellent guy, funny. Good designer. He has clearly left the company, and it seems to be a case of rats leaving the sinking ship. The running … fuck-me shoe? Talk about scraping the barrel!

Dancing Kveens

Published
by
cecilie
on April 23, 2009
in Beauty and Injustice
. 5 Comments

Last Sunday there was an interesting article in the good old South China Morning Post, South East Asia’s biggest outdoor sitting bronze English-language morning newspaper. It was about those dear rugged chaps in the hills, the Afghans.

Instead of using women as slaves like normal guys do, they dress up these male youths from 13 to 20 in women’s clothing and make-up, and let them dance around their handbags at wildly popular Boy Dance parties, where especially former commanders of the Russian-bashing muhajedin gain great face by owning one of the performers. They live with the boys, rape them to their heart’s content and generally treat them like pets.

Apparently the boys are so popular that owning one frequently leads to shoot-outs and loss of life.
So far so … normal? in a place where there aren’t as many distractions as for example here in Hong Kong. These old commanders, warlords really, were happy to be interviewed about how good it felt to “hug” these fresh-faced boys and take them around everywhere. Then one of them said this extraordinary thing. He said something like: “I like to keep my [slave] until he starts sprouting a beard, then I get rid of him. Beards are ugly.”

What!!!! They think they’re UGLY?? So why does the entire male population of the country sport these ugly growths, sometimes down to their knees, what’s more, until recently killing those who are clean-shaven? I thought it was because they thought beards were stylish and hip!

There are so many things I don’t understand about men. So many, many things.

New Episode At Last

Published
by
cecilie
on April 22, 2009
in Cantonese
. 0 Comments

Lo Dock

Published
by
cecilie
on April 21, 2009
in Eyesore, Government, Home and Hong Kong
. 4 Comments

Ah, those water buffalo of sleepy backwater Pui O, Lantau Island! They’re a source of daily joy. Or a daily source of joy?

Yesterday morning I was treated to the impressive spectacle of their elaborate pre-foreplay, called Get Rid Of The Competition. I noticed a young male trotting purposefully ahead at a speed much higher than usual. Hot on its heels was another, bigger male, giving out the curiously puny squeak of the water buffalo. These geezers weigh up to a ton, yet their voice is that of an undernourished squirrel. 

Anyway, across the wetlands and onto the beach they hurried, now walking really fast, now breaking into running. The younger one made a dash for the water but to no avail; the older one only gained on it while swimming. They are after all water buffalo, not rock climbing buffalo. After a hundred meter swim they both lumbered up on the beach again, heading for the campsite. The chase had now lasted about 20 minutes, and they both showed signs of fatigue.

I kept thinking: OK, you clearly are the dominant male - can’t you see the other one cowering before you (if you can cower and run at the same time)? What more do you want?

What he wanted was to force the competition into a tent enclosure and have a big horn-out, it appeared. Now I understood why the government had, only the year before, removed the metal railings around each tent allotment and replaced them with identical but 20% thicker, 15 cm higher railings. And here I had been thinking they only wanted to create jobs for the boys and rubbish! The new railings could easily withstand the onslaught of 1800 kilos of furious flesh and horns.

Just the same as the brand new barbecue area (another feature begun last year - the removal of perfectly healthy benches and barbecue pits to be replaced by these shiny marble-like slabs, like the floor of a 1975 office building/whorehouse entrance) can withstand the onslaught of young people of today coming over to Lantau to see how many dustbins they can avoid putting a single piece of rubbish into:   

In the case of these funky young  groovers, the tally was three completely empty and pristine dustbins, all within stretch out arm- reach of their seat. But that’s okay, someone will come and pick it up. The beach officials, being too preoccupied with people Smoking! Outdoors! to bother about people covering the place in rubbish, turn a benign eye. What, after all, do we all have servants for?

Ad so it was on this day. Standing knee-deep in barbecue rubbish while a pair of mastodons are obliterating a tent, this jumped-up little shit with a clipboard chose to concentrate on me because I had a dog leash in my hand, Piles having run off to watch the buffalo fight and not come back. I was trotting through the camping ground looking for Piles to put him back on the leash.
That’s what Clipboard Man decides to crack down on.

“Lo dock! Lo dock!” Ha? Oh yeah, he thinks I don’t understand Chinese. He’s saying “No dogs.” That’s right, I have lost my dog. “Is danger’!” This is while the ground shakes under two thundering bovine duelists. All the way down the camp site this little runt, seemingly folded in two because of some spinal mishap, follows me, screeching “Lo dock! Lo dock!” You have to hand it to those government officials, they do have their priorities right. And the old adage “Whomever God giveth a clipboard, He hath also given good sense” holds true.

I eventually found Piles head down in a bag of rubbish left by the side of the bin because young restaurant working people of today are too groovy to lift up the lid and put it inside. He was looking pretty much like a water buffalo himself, all globular and with taut skin. It was always his dream to be one of them. On a rare rubbish-free day, he will eat grass.

Adverted Out

Published
by
cecilie
on April 19, 2009
in Eyesore, Hong Kong and Uncategorized
. 6 Comments

It had to happen - for months or years mainland taxis have featured awful advertising television screens on the back of the next to the driver’s seat. Now they’re in Hong Kong. And they can’t be turned off. 

I’m sure I’m not the only one whose eyes, when there is a TV in the room, are drawn to it like two bluebottles to a pile of shit, no matter how interesting the conversation or other things to look at. Therefore when I’m in a two by two centimeter room with little to do but look at Tense Up, Freak Up and Scream Up with terrible bints gyrating, I have to sit on my eyes to have any hope of not being brainwashed by the evil forces of capitalism.

Now nobody can call me a Luddite despite my mobile phone being hewn out of a piece of balsa wood, and I do realise advertising is an inevitable part of modern life. I understand that when something is free, like hotmail and gmail, of course people need to put adverts on it to make a living. But I deeply and enthusiastically - and vigorously! object to having adverts, and really terrible adverts at that, forced upon me in a tiny little room which I’m paying to be in. 

It’s like those people forking out 16 000 dollars for a handbag in return for giving Louis Vuitton, Gucchi or whatever free advertising. I mean, pay to be able to show a label?

From now on I’ll boycott taxis with TV screens … which means in a few weeks I’ll have to walk everywhere. But that’s good! Make a stand while getting fit; what could be better? That way I can look at adverts I choose to look at, or just keep my eyes closed. While I still can! For last year it was adverts on MTR windows and floors - this year taxis. They’ll be putting adverts on the inside of our eyelids soon, mark my words.

Eat’s, Root’s, Shoot’s and Leave’s …

Published
by
cecilie
on April 17, 2009
in Injustice and language
. 6 Comments

What a difference an apostrophe makes, eh? I hope Ho’s brother gives some of the profit to Ho, otherwise, what’s the point of having his name there? All right all right, yes, it does say Ho Brothers Seafood Company in Chinese. 

But  I’ve noticed that people - people who should know better - put apostrophes before any s nowadays, like “I have many book’s.” I suppose they think it looks more English.

First Day Of New Life And Summer

Published
by
cecilie
on April 16, 2009
in Beauty and Environment
. 4 Comments

I had a semi-wonderful walk around Pui O this morning, gingerly treading around the mounds and mounds of building debris and other crap. Still managed to find some passable things to look at: 

 

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