There’s a NEW JOBopeningat WELL-come!!! APP-licantsmustpossessanin CREDibleaBILitytoputthestressonthe WRONG wordinthe SENtenceandSOUND likeatotal PLONker!!!! ENJOY shoppingat WELL-come! Or ELSE!
I remember the days when I found muzak in supermarkets irritating. Muzak anywhere, really, especially Kenny G. But with the wall of talking sound that has taken over The Wellcome Chain Of Overstacked Supermarkets (the WALL of TALKingsoundthathas … etc) recently, I’d do anything to get Kenny back among the shelves.
I don’t know how the management thinks that listening to these insanely upbeat, non-stop talking and advising (“when you STACK foodinyourfridge ALWAYS STACK thebarbecuedtoddlerson the SAME shelfastheSEVEREDheads. ENJOY stackingfoodinyourFRIDGE!”)Â will make people buy more stuff.
In my local Wellcome I see people running frantically around, just chucking any old thing into their shopping trolleys while dashing for the tills, trying to cover both ears with one hand to keep the relentless, penetrating noise out. But it’s impossible, the speakers are turned on too loud and the voice too intense.
It enters the brain like a dog whistle for humans and makes you dizzy, confused and unable to remember what you came into Wellcome for in the first place.
This morning I went in there to get some toothpaste and the SCMP and came out with a bunch of barbecue forks, a pair of socks and four litres of bleach.
Management of Wellcome: People know how to shop. They can find the bargains. They know how to put things into their fridges.Â Having some bint scream into my ear how I should “enJOY shoppingatWELL-come” doesn’t make it enjoyable. Some peace and quiet or even Kenny, might.
Well, of course Â not enjoyable. How can being in a supermarket ever be? But it might make it tolerable.